Non-custodial parent

I am not at all “taking them away” from their fathers

My daughter lives with her father and I will remain the non-custodial parent. The problem I am having with her situation is her fathers inability to put her need of maintaining her relationship with me rather than encouraging her not to see me.

I will reiterate for you, i want to continue the 50/50 split with my son, his father is the one who wants primary custody. Please consider what is best for the child.

  • A) Is it good for the 3 year old child to be with a parent with (2) DUI’s, who works, while the child attends daycare and has a nanny watching him?
  • B) Or for the child to be in an environment where a parent is at home with him. Can take him to and from school when he attends, a parent who volunteers their time to the neighborhood elementary school. A parent who is home v. working.

I do not doubt the love the fathers have for their children. Nor can I stress enough the importance of their involvement in their lives, this is truly priceless.

My children have one father whom they call Dad. That will never change. A stepparent is merely an additional parent figure that can provide additional love and guidance to the child. It is my belief the more to love the child the better. I respect and have always encouraged my daughter’s relationship with her stepmother.

Step-parenting

It sounds to me like the ex wife may be feeling regret

It sounds to me like the ex wife may be feeling regret and anger for leaving your fiancee. During times like this its difficult for some people to keep these feelings in check so to speak. I highly recommend you, your fiance and his ex-wife read a book called “Moms house Dad’s house” I can’t remember the author’s name but its in every Barnes & Noble or Borders book store.

And if all of you truly only have the child’s interest at heart you will find it to be quite helpful. It will help you understand why some parents do the horrible things they do and provide you with the tools to refrain from doing these things yourself.

It takes a special person to take on the responsibility of another’s child. I know my fiancee is and I’m sure you are but you’ll need to be prepared for some bumpy roads ahead. If I were you I would look for some books on step-parenting and understanding your role in the child’s life.

When you go back to court your fiancee needs to request what is called a 730 in CA or child custody evaluation & psych evaluation. This is not cheap, last year mine was $2500 for my daughter and the one for my son this year is $4000. You may even want to offer to pay it up front or the court will order a payment plan for both of you. The down side to this is it takes 3-4 months to complete and it sounds like to me you may want to go to court on an ex parte change of custody.

Your proof will be provided with the evaluation, they will or should automatically drug test when there is an allegation of substance abuse. If so you should request they test through the hair, to my knowledge that goes back for months maybe even years depending on the length of the hair. I know this is expensive but isn’t the little girl worth it? Borrow, beg and plead from anyone who can help or take a 2nd out on your home if you have one.

Remember your goal is to provide a stable and healthy environment for this child. Read the book “Mom’s house Dad’s house”. Although 22 months may be too young for therapy you and your fiance can give this little girl the world if you keep your visits with her stable, predictable and loving, free of any kind of stress. This is a lot of stress for you too, remember take care of yourself emotionally and physically.

I have a question, why is she on welfare? is it for the other kids? is your fiance paying her child support? If not he needs to start paying whatever he can, prove that his is making an effort. And pay with checks or money orders only! No cash ever! Good luck to you, your fiance and his precious little girl.

Parental rights

Waiving your rights

rightsWaiving your rights will most likely not get you out of paying the back support. You owe the money, its the law. Contact the state and see if you can work out a payment arrangement.

Do you some day down the road want to explain to your child, “Yes, I waived all my parental rights to get out of paying my legally due child support. Getting out of paying a debt was more important to me than you were.”

First off, I want to thank all of you that wrote supportive words for me. And for those of you who had not so kind words I guess I need to CLARIFY some things for you. I was married to my high school sweetheart the father of my 12 year old for five years together for eight. My current engagement is my 2nd and last husband. After all that I’ve been through in my life I chose very carefully, while we were planning our Wedding I became pregnant.

We intend complete our family with two children. Now, I understand there are a lot of close minded people in this world but if you put yourself in someoneelse’s shoes for just a moment you may feel a bit more compassion and not be so quick to judge. I purposely didn’t make much comment on the circumstances surrounding the birth of my son and if I had I think you may have a different outlook. My goal is not to bad mouth or take my son’s father away but to do what is my eyes best for him. I have always put my children first. Creating a stable and loving environment for them is my only goal.

We all have our own opinions to which we are entitled to. So to those of you who had harsh words for me I’m sorry you feel the way you do. But I want you to know I do not regret one decision I’ve made in my life for those decision I have learned from, have made me who I am today and have given me two beautiful children. A 12 year old daughter with two families who love her and is an honor roll student and a 3 year old son who also has two families that love him, knows his ABC’s and can count to 43.

Both of my children are loving, compassionate and kind. Good luck to all of you in your individual situations.

Environmental issues

I have been promoting the idea of males getting vasectomies

Personally, I have been promoting the idea of males getting vasectomies as soon as they turn 18. This procedure is simply, cheap, and completely reversable. Properly, males should not become fathers until age 30, females at age 24. This is when each reaches emotional maturity. The problem is convincing males to do it.

But if we can, it would prevent not only births that a man is not ready to handle, either emotionally or financially, but also substantially reduce the number of children being killed through abortion. Not to mention the large number of kids killed by mothers who are not ready to be mothers.

I agree that the maturity level of an individual and or a relationship is contingent on education and some environmental issues…lacking there of… is unfair for kids as a whole. However, monumenting one of the oldest cliches “one bad apple spoils the barrel” does not apply here. Not withstanding the fact some adults are unfair and selfish within their own actions, I’m positive there are fathers who greatly love their children and never intended on PARTLY creating those unfair situations which ultimately on an untimely basis has drawn the innocent kids in. Remember birth control goes both ways and so does maturity.

Simply stop producing until the desired achievement level has been hit… I have to ask where is the love and or should this procedure be a matter of choice or ultimately end up in the hands of pro women panel board who feels a mother is more mature to be the primary caregiver emotionally “but not financially” and then and only then should the approval be granted to procreate. I had at one time subscribed to your theory of maturity and independence first and waited till I was 32 before procreating and now I find myself in the hardest battle of my life. Consuming days upon days of emotions and only to loose my son after raising him for 1.5 of his 3 years…when in fact the “mature mother” decides to show up and be a mother a year later.

When is the desired level obtained? Who determines maturity level? Should I now wait another 10 years for the desired maturity level to be hit? How about better education to give more confidence and independence to open communication levels between two people to circumvent these situations before they arrive? Oh, and just for laughs …how about throwing in an environment where the majority of the legal systems are objective and not predetermined that the best type of parent is a women.

Attorney

I have to guess at a couple of items

I have to guess at a couple of items but in general here it is.

Your husband had visitation and I’m guessing it was only suspended pending the investigation. Regardless, he should go to court with a certified copy of the study absolving him and get the court to order his ex to comply with visitation. If the ex does not comply with that order, he could then file for contempt of court.

Use the Tennessee attorney if you are satisfied with his representation of you. Tennessee courts have jurisdiction over the daughter so a Florida attorney would be of minimal benefit.

Good luck.

Birth control

Does no one comprehend birth control?

After reading some of the more recent posts to this site, I have to ask about birth control and simply growing up before you continue to produce child after child after child for more and more custody battles.

It continues to degenerate to a “he said/she said” battle with the innocent child drawn through the middle. And all along this trail, none of the parents manage to grow much more mature than the children they’re producing.

Amazing that some humans simply don’t learn from either experience or the history of others.

Child support

If you never paid any

If you never paid any – and she was on welfare collecting money from the federal or state governments – you’re going to be held liable for the cost of child support which will accumulate and make it seem like an incredibly large amount.

Most states have a formula that calculates the amount…..so essentially, you want to have your cake and eat it too….sounds like you and your girl friend just want to play the system to your benefits but not pay the support you rightfully owe….tsk,tsk,tsk

Need help

Need advice

My husband has a 4 year old daughter from a previous marriage. His ex wife left him and moved to TN (We live in Florida) He waited a year before filing for divorce, and somehow filed through the State of TN. They have joint custody with the mother having primary residential custody.

However, when we announced our engagement, she soon filed sexual misconduct charges with HRS against my husband. During this time of course he was allowed no contact. This went on for months and months, the ex kept rescheduling the daughters examinations.

Finally, FL HRS contacted us to let us know that the HRS in TN said there were no signs of abuse and that visitation could continue. However the mother will not let my husband see his daughter until he takes a polygraph test. She did begin allowing phone contact again until this week, and has now decided that their daughter has been misbehaving since she allowed communication, and will no longer allow it. The advice we need is to find out what we can do. With two states being involved its difficult. This is supposed to be my husbands Christmas with his daughter, and this is killing him.

I feel that he needs to put her in contempt of court, however I’ve heard that this is costly and usually the mother only gets a slap on the wrist.

Also, we are unsure if it would be best to use the attorney in TN he used for the divorce, or if he can hire an attorney here in Florida?

Any advice would be very much appreciated. This is a great group of people.

Need help

Father needs help

Hi, my soon to be husband is just starting a custody battle over his 22 month old daughter.

The mother is not taking good care of this baby.

The mother is taking drugs, has many over night male friends,the house is a pig pen,and the baby is always wet and dirty. She also leaves her alone with children between 11 and 13 to babysit her and her 7month old sister to a different man. The lawyer said all this may be true, but we need proof. In the mean time, the mother does everything she can to keep the child from the father. She was breaking the court ordered visitation,until we went back to court.

Now she is taking him to court to try and take away all his visitation,saying the child is traumatized from his visits. The mother is on welfare so her lawyers are free. Every time the child is picked up, the mother tries to start something. Any help on this would be appreciated.

Stability

You actually sound like a decent person

First of all, you actually sound like a decent person. However, I do not feel sorry for you. To have three children (or almost 3) by three different men is a disgrace. What are you teaching your children about stability? My husbands exwife is 3 for 3 at the age of 26 too and the kids are getting more and more screwed up every year.

Sorry that you made bad choices in life but remember the children are the ones who pay for our bad choices.

If there are other sources encouraging your daughter to bad mouth you and not want anything to do with you, it will come back to them in the end.

We all know the saying, what comes around goes around.

Also you mentioned that your ex’s are filing “books” with their motions for court… I know here that the judge we have does NOT look kindly to that! Its supposed to be BRIEF. Anyhow, how does the judge act in court to you or them on those occasions? I know the judge doesnt like to have to sit and read all the crap. I know the first time me and my husband filed here, we sent in a few pages of stuff and he wouldnt even listen to us.

he didnt like it at all. All we were doing was telling why we didnt agree to what was said in his ex’s affidavit. you need to play the judge out.. see how he or she is.. see what they like and dont… Make sure you always attend court and never lie. obviously…. Oh and if you have witnesses to anything bring them too. Bring lots of ppl who are on your side about it. Gives you support.

The best situation would not to have three kids with three fathers.

Although the father of your son is not perfect, as it appears you might not be either, at least being close to the boy he can play some part in the kids life, and work towards improving himself. By you moving 500 miles away, part of that equation is removed.

I would advise that before you make another child by a fourth husband you grow up and respect yourself and the needs of the three children you will have and stay put so the kids of the first two fathers can remain close to them. You and you current husband, can stay in that town and have the third child and at least all of your children will be near all of the fathers they have.

Visitation rights

Moving for you will be tough enough

Moving for you will be tough enough, let alone make it extremely hard on your court cases. Do you have a lawyer for yourself?

I think honestly its a lost cause to try for your 12 year old. But i would see about getting your visitation.

Then for your 3 year old, i would definitely fight it in court. Let the judge know that you are moving and need a decision asap. also that your move will benefit the child..etc